An explanation from psychology

In therapy, it's common to hear phrases like: “I know it's not good for me, but I do it again” or “I understand what's happening to me, but I can't change”. From the outside —and often from within oneself— these repetitions are usually interpreted as a lack of willpower, immaturity, or resistance to change.
However, psychology explains the repetition of patterns as a much more complex phenomenon, related to learning, emotional regulation, and brain function.

The brain learns by repetition, not by logic

From a neuropsychological perspective, the brain prioritizes efficiency. What is repeated over time, especially if it has had some adaptive value (even if in the past), becomes consolidated in the form of neural circuits.
These circuits are not activated because they are “good,” but because they are known and predictable.

Therefore, rationally understanding that something is not good for us does not guarantee change. Behavioral change does not depend solely on the prefrontal cortex (reason), but on deeper emotional systems involved in survival and safety.

Patterns as learned strategies

Many repetitive patterns made sense at some point in a person's history:

• Avoiding conflict to maintain connection.

• Over-adapting to gain acceptance.

• Controlling to reduce anxiety.

• Choosing familiar relationships even if they are harmful.

From this perspective, the pattern is not a flaw, but a learned strategy that originally served a regulatory function. The problem arises when that strategy is no longer useful, but the system continues to resort to it automatically.

The role of attachment and emotional memory

Attachment theory provides a fundamental key: a large part of our relational patterns are organized from internal working models, built in early significant relationships.
These models are not conscious beliefs, but emotional schemas that guide perception, behavior, and expectations about others.

Emotional memory —unlike narrative memory— is not modified by new information alone. It needs repeated corrective emotional experiences over time to reorganize itself.

Why willpower is not enough

Willpower operates in the short term. Patterns, however, are sustained by:

• Emotional automatisms.

• Intermittent reinforcements.

• Mechanisms for avoiding discomfort.

• Fear of change and the unknown.

When a behavior momentarily reduces anxiety or emotional pain, the brain reinforces it, even if it causes long-term suffering. This explains why change doesn't happen simply by “wanting” it.

Psychological change: awareness, regulation, and repetition

From a therapeutic approach, real change involves three levels:

1. Awareness: identifying the pattern and its function.

2. Emotional regulation: learning to tolerate the discomfort that arises when the pattern is not repeated.

3. New experiences: repeating different responses until new circuits are consolidated.

This process requires time, support, and a safe context. It is not an act of willpower, but an act of emotional re-learning.

Conclusion

Repeating patterns is not a weakness or a lack of commitment to change. It is the expression of how the psychological system tries to protect itself with the tools it learned.
Understanding this does not justify suffering, but it does allow addressing it from a more rigorous, compassionate, and effective perspective.

References

• Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Routledge.

• Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind. Guilford Press.

• van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Viking.

• LeDoux, J. (1996). The Emotional Brain. Simon & Schuster.