In consultations, I hear a phrase repeated over and over, said in a low, broken voice, sometimes accompanied by guilt:

“I’m exhausted… but I don’t even know why.”

And when we start to look closely, something appears that many women immediately recognize: the invisible load.

It's called that because it's not seen, but it weighs. It's not named, but it exhausts. It doesn't appear in contracts or schedules, but it occupies hours, energy, emotional and mental health.

What Exactly Is the Invisible Load?

It’s all that physical, mental, and emotional work that many women do without anyone asking… and without almost anyone noticing:

• Remembering medical appointments, vaccine dates, and school meetings.

• Emotionally supporting children, parents, and partners.

• Anticipating needs: “we’re running out of toothpaste,” “we need to buy a gift,” “the child hasn’t turned in homework on time.”

• Organizing family life so everything runs smoothly.

• Managing conflicts, discomfort, routines.

• Caring tirelessly, even when one needs care oneself.

It’s no coincidence that so many women describe a feeling of prolonged fatigue, saturation, irritability, or guilt when they try to rest. We have learned to be the “emotional managers” for everyone… except themselves.

Why Does It Affect Women More?

The reasons are social, cultural, and also emotional:

1. Upbringing and Education

Many women were taught from a young age to be “responsible,” “caring,” and “empathetic.”

2. The Superwoman Mandate

They are expected to work as if they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t have a job.

3. Learned Guilt

Resting, saying “no,” or asking for help is perceived as selfishness, when in reality it is self-care.

4. Mental Hyper-connection

The famous “I can’t switch off”: even if the body rests, the mind keeps working.

Signs You’re Carrying Too Much Invisible Load

• You feel like you’re always “in charge” of something or someone.

• You find it hard to delegate because “if I don’t do it, it won’t be done right.”

• You live in a state of permanent mental alert.

• Any small change in routine overwhelms you.

• You have moments of emotional saturation without knowing why.

• You struggle to prioritize yourself and set boundaries.

If you recognize yourself, it’s not because you are “weak,” but because you’ve been carrying too much load for too long.

How to Start Letting Go? 5 Psychological Keys

1. Stop Making Your Effort Invisible

Name what you do. Write it down. Acknowledge it. Awareness is the first step to change.

2. Practice the "No by Default"

Before automatically saying yes, ask yourself:
Can I? Do I want to? Is it good for me?

3. Talk and Distribute

Delegating is not losing control; it’s sharing responsibility. In a couple or family, organization should be equitable, not “help.”

4. Reserve Your Own Time Without Justifying It

Not just when you “have spare time.” Also when you need it.

5. Prioritize Your Mental Health with Real Intent

Therapy, rest, personal spaces, emotional self-care. These are not luxuries: they are pillars.

A Final Message For You

If you’ve felt identified, remember something very important:

You don’t have to handle everything.
You don’t have to accomplish everything.
You don’t have to carry alone what can be shared.

The invisible load stops being so heavy when it is seen, named, and distributed.

And you deserve a life where caring also means caring for yourself.